he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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