You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
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He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I forget how to act sober
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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