You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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