I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize