I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize