Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize