Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My penis needs a shock collar
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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