How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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