wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize