Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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