So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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