You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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