i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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