mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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