A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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