if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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