There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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