I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize