I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize