why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize