id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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