im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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