and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize