i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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