you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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