1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize