I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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