if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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