We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need to calm my uterus...
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