don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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