God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think people are normalizing furries
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