woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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