Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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