I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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