Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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