I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize