sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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