You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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