Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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