grandma shit on top of the toilet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize