the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
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