Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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