I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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