Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize