is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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