my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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