But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
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showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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