Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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My ATM looks so different sober.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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