he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Couch. On fire.
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