im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
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Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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